Where were you in 1973?  Were you even born?  I was, because I'm an old smelly peep, though in 1973 I wasn't old enough to not still be pooping in my pants.  Some of you may still be pooping in your pants these days, but that's more of a personal problem, isn't it?

The first cell phone weighed about 30 ounces (that's almost 2 pounds, which would be like holding up a family sized package of ground beef to your ear).  It gave you about a half hour of talk time and took half a day to recharge.  Can you imagine how pissed off you'd be today if that were still the case?  If your phone didn't hold a charge long enough for you to play Angry Birds for 5 hours straight, you'd picth a royal fit wouldn't you?  You spoiled, spoiled bastard.

Anyway, on April 3, 1973, some d00d from Motorloa called another d00d at Bell Labs.  Apparently both companies were in a race to make the first portable phone.  I dunno for sure, but I'd imagine the phone call went something like this*:

• Motorola d00d:  Ha Ha, motherfucker, guess where I'm calling from right now?
• Bell Labs d00d: I dunno, but I'm with YOUR MOM right now.
• Motorola d00d: I'M TALKING ON A PORTABLE PHONE IN UR DRIVEWAY KILLING UR COMPANY!!!!!
• Bell Labs d00d:  DAMMIT ALL!!!!  I'm gonna be soooooo fired tomorrow.
• Motorola d00d: Ahahahahahahahaha suck it!   And you can quote me on that and take it as a message back to your second-rate, hobo, busted-ass company.  WINNING!
• Bell Labs d00d:  You know what rhymes with 'Motorola'"?  Crapaola, Assahola,  and I'ma gonna Cornahola yer mom.  Oh and speaking of your mom, she says congratulations.

And the rest is history...

 * Disclaimer, this may not be at all reflective of actual events

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