Where were you in 1973? Were you even born? I was, because I'm an old smelly peep, though in 1973 I wasn't old enough to not still be pooping in my pants. Some of you may still be pooping in your pants these days, but that's more of a personal problem, isn't it?
The first cell phone weighed about 30 ounces (that's almost 2 pounds, which would be like holding up a family sized package of ground beef to your ear). It gave you about a half hour of talk time and took half a day to recharge. Can you imagine how pissed off you'd be today if that were still the case? If your phone didn't hold a charge long enough for you to play Angry Birds for 5 hours straight, you'd picth a royal fit wouldn't you? You spoiled, spoiled bastard.
Anyway, on April 3, 1973, some d00d from Motorloa called another d00d at Bell Labs. Apparently both companies were in a race to make the first portable phone. I dunno for sure, but I'd imagine the phone call went something like this*:
- Motorola d00d: Ha Ha, motherfucker, guess where I'm calling from right now?
- Bell Labs d00d: I dunno, but I'm with YOUR MOM right now.
- Motorola d00d: I'M TALKING ON A PORTABLE PHONE IN UR DRIVEWAY KILLING UR COMPANY!!!!!
- Bell Labs d00d: DAMMIT ALL!!!! I'm gonna be soooooo fired tomorrow.
- Motorola d00d: Ahahahahahahahaha suck it! And you can quote me on that and take it as a message back to your second-rate, hobo, busted-ass company. WINNING!
- Bell Labs d00d: You know what rhymes with 'Motorola'"? Crapaola, Assahola, and I'ma gonna Cornahola yer mom. Oh and speaking of your mom, she says congratulations.
And the rest is history...
* Disclaimer, this may not be at all reflective of actual events
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