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New on My Sh*t LIst: Oxford English Dictionary

posted Mar 25, 2011, 10:29 PM by Heather S   [ updated Apr 26, 2011, 5:15 PM ]
So the publishers of the Oxford English Dictionary have issued a new update

I particularly like this addition:

muffin top n. ....2. slang. A roll of flesh which hangs visibly over a person's (esp. a woman's) tight-fitting waistband. 

I'm campaigning for "gunt" and "fupa" for the next revision.  Who's with me?!?

Another very important update was making the heart symbol (you know, this thing: ♥) into a verb, as in "to heart" something as a synonym for "to love", but when you really think about it it's really NOT a synonym for "to love".  It's a synonym for "to not really love".  I mean, if you really loved someone you'd say, "I love you" right?  It's meaningful and important and is generally reserved for the people you care most about in life.  On the other hand, I think the general rule is that if people tell you that they "heart you" they either 1) just want to get into your pants and hope you'll mistake this declaration as real love (which clearly it is not) and/or 2) they may kinda sorta like you but they certainly don't love you... in fact they probably don't even like you enough to bail you out of jail or feed your pet goldfish while you're away.  

I'm actually a fan of telling people that I "less than three" them.  This is also not a real declaration of love and most people are too stupid to get it.  Perhaps even you yourself, my cyber-space friend, are scratching your pointy little pinhead thinking, "WTF is she talking about?"

And speaking of "WTF", alas THAT did not make it into the Oxford English Dictionary's revisions, but several acronyms did and the one that put them on my shit list is the ever pervasive "LOL".  I can't tell you how much I fucking HATE "LOL".  The only time you'll ever see my type it is when I'm telling you how much I fucking hate it.  I refuse to use it in its true context.  Every time I see it in an email or a text or a chat or a status update I physically cringe.  And except for a very select few (who I have to be honest are teetering very close to the edge with me), as soon I see someone use it I will generally cut that person off from all forms of communication with me. 

But, you ask, why do I hate it so much?  I mean, I don't hate other acronyms.  I'm actually quite fond of using "OTOH" and "IMO" (though I never add the "H" 'cause who am I kidding?  Humble?  Me?). 

Well quite frankly it doesn't matter why I hate it.  I just do.  And you should too.  It's despicable and must be stricken from the face of this earth. 

I also hate it when people abbreviate "you" as "u", especially in email.  Fucking type out the word already you lazy-ass bastards.  If "u" makes it into the next revision I'm staging a coup.  Mark my words.  And honestly how tough could those nerds over at the Oxford English Dictionary really be?  I'm pretty sure I could totally kick all their asses.  I can feel it.  It will be war.  And it will be glorious.