So I wake up this morning thinking I'll be seeing a "sorry, but your profile is ridiculous and mocking and you should be ashamed of yourself" email. Instead, I wake up to 10 "winks" and 1 offer. (For those of you unaware of the whole online dating world, a "wink" is a chickenshit way to signify interest without really having to make the first move.)
Clearly whatsyourprice.com has no shame nor standards, which is actually kind of awesome, but why have any approval process then? I wonder what I would have had to have done to get rejected?
(Hmmmmmmmmmmm...... now the rusty little gears o'shit-stirrin' are turning in my tiny little brain.)
I'll get to my one offer in a sec, but my initial observation is that people seem to wayyyyyy overestimate their attractiveness. Most of the people who claim to be "attractive" are average at best. And some = downrightdelusional. Ah to have that kind of self-esteem though, right? And more power to 'em I guess, but I'll still not be paying to date their atrociously fugly asses.
The disturbing thing here really is not that whatsyourprice.com's stellar profile filters didn't weed out my profile. The disturbing thing is that these 10 people: 1) didn't seem to catch onto my blatantly fake and satirical profile and 2) would be OK with dating a drug cartel leader. Then again, I figure as far as morals go, the people on this site are probably at the low-ish end of that spectrum. (I got one wink from a couple who apparently is willing to pimp themselves out for a threesome.)
But back to my offer. Ah, irony. He happens to live within about 40 miles of me (even though the location I put was a good 3000 miles away from where I actually live). His profile is such that it's obvious he's taking this dating site seriously and that he's looking for a sugar momma. Most of his profile pictures are neck-down, shirtless shots and in one of them he has his pants unbuttoned and he's grabbing his package. Yes. Seriously. I'm not creative enough to make this kinda shit up. But shirtless crotch-grabbing pictures aside, he doesn't seem unattractive, so score for me in getting an offer from a non-fug!
And what was that offer, you ask? Well apparently he thinks very highly of himself. In his profile he says that if I'm looking for a companion for a wedding or to explore the south of France, he's my guy. Well alrighty then! I always did want to pay a total stranger to explore Southern France with me and now's my chance! And I can do so for the low low price of $1000 per date (in addition to all travel costs of course)! Yep, he's asking for a grand. A GRAND. Of course that's chump change to a multimillionaire like myself.
Regardless, millionaires stay millionaires by being thrifty, so I think I'll counteroffer with $10 bucks and if I'm feeling generous I might throw in a trip to Southeast DC.
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