Do you remember what your Myers-Briggs personality type is? You must have had to take this test at least once – perhaps in school or maybe because you worked for some dipshit company that decided they could more effectively manage your ass based on your shitty personality.

If you’re unfamiliar with this test, I’m not going to explain it to you in detail. Fire up the Google machine and do your own fucking research. Contrary to what my blog name would seem to indicate, I’m not really here to be helpful - just ironic, bitchy and marginally entertaining.... but in a nutshell, back in the day a psychologist named Carl Jung came up with some psycho-babble-type theories about how we as humans experience our shitty existence. Then two chickies (Myers and Briggs) took Jung's theories and created a test that was supposed to determine each person's personality type and they broke this down into 4 pairs of traits: Extrovert/Introvert, Sensing/iNtuiting, Thinking/Feeling and Judging/Perceiving. Their theory is that everyone is more strongly one or the other of each of these trait pairs, so then they break people into 16 categories based on these traits. If you don't understand why there are 16 categories, you are a math idgit and I can't help you there.

Regardless, you can take a test which will spit out the four letters indicating your personality type. For example, I'm an INTJ (Introvert, iNtuiting, Thinking, Judging) . I'll get into what that means in a second, but just based on those words you can probably see that my test results would seem to indicate a lack of warm and fuzziness in my personality. Clearly you can tell, based on this blog, that that is 100% incorrect. I'm the epitome of warm and fuzzy, dammit! If I could hug every single one of you, I totally would - and not one of those lame one-armed bro-hugs. No sir! In fact, I'd be gettin' all handsy trying to cop a feel!

So, in order to take a "reputable" version of the test you generally have to front up some cash to do so. However, there are tons of free ones floating around the interwebz (like this one) but most people will say they are BS, though most people don't know what the fuck they are talking about, so there's that...

Anyway, the point of all of this is just for me to say that to me, these personality types are really just a tiny, microscopic step above a horoscopic profile. And in my case both are similarly accurate in describing my personality, probably yours as well. 

And really, the thing is that some people’s personalities just suck. Plain and simple.  I mean if you really think about it most of us have shitty personalities. But both the Myers-Briggs and horoscope profiles tend to make everyone seem like a fucking prince. I mean sure they mention some less-than desirable traits, but they spin them as good things.

Case-in-Point, a dude named David Keirsey took all these personality profiles and assigned roles (names) to them, which makes them seem even more horoscopic (and thusly, hokey as fuck).  Below is a graphic from Personality Desk depicting them:

Ooooooooo doesn't it make everyone sound fabulous? Congratulations, you are "The Dynamo"! How fucking great is that? It's so much better and more scientific than being a Capricorn or a Dragon, isn't it? Of course it is! And so much more meaningful! And look at all the other personality types? Aren't they wonderful? You're awesome. I'm awesome. We're all fucking awesome!

Well as I've said before, we're not all awesome. In fact we are all mostly the antithesis of awesome. Don't hate. You know it's true. So after doing an extensive amount of research (we're talking several minutes here), I've come up with my own, much more accurate personality profile names.

Ah, so now you see it, don't you? Now it all makes sense. Now you see your true colors for what they really are, eh? You're welcome. Maybe I really AM providing helpful hints after all!

Anyhoooo, if you've taken the test and know your fo shizzle personality type, you might also be wondering how common yours is. I've made a super cool Excel graph depicting the personality type distributions (numbers courtesy of The Myers & Briggs Foundation - I figure they're probably one of the more reputable sources, other than me of course, being that they took the time to pay $10 bucks to GoDaddy.com* for that web address).

Note that just because your personality type is common or uncommon doesn't prove you are any more or less of an asshole than the next guy... well, unless you're MFing Hitler. In that case it's probably safe to assume that you are a ginormous asshole.

*Disclaimer: technically the bit about GoDaddy.com is probably not true.