Another belief of mine; that
everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.
I’ve been a legal adult for a long, long, LONG time but I’m still sort of waiting for that magical moment where I become a true adult. I’m not quite sure when it’s supposed to happen. I always figured there’d be some sort of catalyst and I’ve narrowed down several things that were NOT that catalyst, which include:
Regardless, if you have read any part of my website you’d know that I am pretty much the antithesis of an adult. And yet, I’m still a relatively successful functioning member of society. Is that a fluke? Perhaps, but I hope not.
As I’m typing this, I’m popping a sheet of bubble wrap on my desk that I was saving, but it was just sitting there calling my name…..H3aaatttthhhheeeeer, come pop meeeeeee….. and I’m currently trying to resist the urge to throw it on the floor so I can jump on it…
Adults don’t jump on bubble wrap. It wouldn’t even occur to adults to think about jumping on bubble wrap. Adults are civil and mature and politically correct. Adults don’t swear like sailors. Adults don’t find silly juvenile humor funny…. though in my experience adults don’t find much of anything funny and the things that they do find funny aren’t very funny.
Here’s the thing. My theory is that some people are just more prone to adult-ness than others. Most of these people happen to be very uninteresting with nonexistent senses of humor.
So the true test is this: if you’ve read through everything on this site and a) there’s nothing that you’ve found even remotely humorous; b) you’ve rolled your eyes several times at the immaturity of it all; and/or c) I’ve truly offended your sensibilities more than once, then you are, in fact, an adult. Congratulations. Now get the fuck off my site.
So my very scientific conclusion is this: adults aren’t actually people who are “grown up”. You can probably be an adult at any age. Adults are people who suck the fun out of life. Adults are people who suck in general. And adults are people who have chosen to take life way too seriously.
As cliché as it sounds, life’s too short. Go photocopy your ass*. Find something ridiculously juvenile but ridiculously funny and laugh until you can’t breathe. Go jump on some bubble wrap.
It might just make your day.
In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play.
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