On my generally soul-sucking commute to work this morning, a Tesla S blew by me like I was standing still only to be slamming on his brakes 10 feet later because, you know, there are lots of other cars at 8AM on a Thursday morning in a city whose claim to fame (among many others) is having the worst traffic on the face of planet.  Note here that traffic was moving at about 70 MPH, which was slower than my liking as well, but what can you do?

Apparently if you own a Tesla S, you can use exit lanes to pass people and pretend like all the other cars on the road are part of your giant slalom course.

Well this got me thinking... who are the biggest assholes on the road?  It’s sort of a tossup between people who drive performance cars and people who drive hybrids (and I can say this because I drive one of these types of cars). So it seems that these two types of people mated to create the king of all asshole drivers: the performance electric car driver. I mean really, what does owning a Tesla S say about a person?

It says he (or she) is a speed-crazy prick AND a holier than thou tree-hugging douchebag.

Obviously this revelation prompted me to look up prices on the Tesla S as soon as I got to work with the intent to possibly purchase one. Well apparently they’re not insanely expensive. I mean, they’re pricey, but not like Maserati or Ferrari pricey (which explains why the dude seemed to not care about almost driving right into me to get back into my lane when his lane came to a screeching halt and mine was still moving (slowly)). And as I sat there contemplating a purchase, I realized that it didn’t have a gearbox and thus no stick shift. Now I realize that it’s not necessary in electric cars for optimal performance, but I just like being able to angrily jam a car into a gear and stomping on the gas and hearing the rev of the engine….

Anyway, the other thing is that I’ve never had a laptop or phone or electronic doohickey with a battery that’s lasted anywhere near as long as its claim. I also suck at remembering to recharge shit, so I’d have this nightmare of being constantly stuck in the middle of the highway with a dead battery… or even worse: stuck at work <shudder>.

So I’ll not be purchasing this car anytime soon, but if anyone out wants to give me one I would graciously accept.