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Abstinence Apparel

posted Apr 25, 2011, 1:06 PM by Heather S   [ updated Apr 26, 2011, 3:36 PM ]
Saw an article about something called “abstinence apparel” the other day and of course my first thought was, “what the fuck is this nonsense?”   Well it is exactly what it sounds like (sorta) - clothing that promotes chastity.   However, as it turns out chastity belts are not making a comeback. (You ever see some of those things?  If not, Google it one day when you’re bored, preferably from the comfort of your own home, as some images may be deemed a wee bit inappropriate for work.)

So what exactly is this “abstinence apparel” that I speak of, you ask?  Well in the wake of trying to promote abstinence amongst the teenage/young adult population it’s clothing that has what I assume the delusional creators believe to be"witty" sayings on them like “Not tonight”  and  “zip it” and “what would your mother do?”.  

Well first of all, obviously your mom strayed from the abstinence camp a time or two.... I mean your mom did fuck your dad, right?  So, what would your mother do?  Do you even know?  Maybe your mom is a raging slut.  Maybe she's fucking Dan in accounts payable behind your dad's back as we speak.  Or maybe she's the perfect picture of abstinence.  Maybe she hasn't put out for your dad in months.  Maybe years.  Maybe she's turned your dad into a sexually frustrated pervert who sits in the basement jacking off to midget porn all day.  Who knows?  Regardless, it's a ridiculous message.

But stupid sayings aside, this “apparel” is basically underwear (boy shorts and baby t’s).   If somebody has managed to get you to strip down to your drawers to be able read these messages, perhaps you aren’t taking this whole abstaining thing very seriously, no?  And then once they got to that point, it would become more of a challenge to get through that chastity barrier rather than a deterrent don't you think?   It seems to me that this apparel is encouraging girls to be a tease, which in my book is way worse than being a slut (granted my book probably isn’t the best for good example setting...).

Anyway, this gave me a great idea for starting my own “abstinence apparel” line that I think would be much more successful in deterring sexual misbehavior and I’ve mocked up a few prototypes!