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The Perfect Margarita

posted Aug 15, 2012, 2:02 PM by H3ATHER S   [ updated Aug 16, 2012, 9:22 AM ]

Why not start out this recipe extravaganza with a recipe for booze? Whoever said that love made the world go around was full of shit. It's booze. Booze makes the world go around. Case-in-point: ever been to a dry wedding? It blew right? If love made the world go around, basking in the blossoming love of the bride and groom should have been enough to warm your heart, but it wasn't, was it? BOOM! There you go, love is crap. Booze is where it's at.

Anyway, the perfect margarita requires 4 ingredients, a garnish, a glass and salt if that's what floats your boat. That's it. And most importantly the perfect margarita does NOT require a blender. Frozen margaritas are for sorority girls, underaged drinkers (which I do not condone in any way shape or form of course) and half-wits. If you're looking for a frozen bar drink, go buy a  Slurpee® and add your shitty alcohol of choice to it. Or better yet, learn to cultivate some adult fucking tastebuds.

So here's what you need:
  • 1 shot Tequila* - Make it a good one. I'm partial to Don Julio, but Patrón can do in a pinch. Get a Reposado - or if you want to go balls to the wall, an Añejo.  Stay the fuck away from the Gold.
  • 1 shot Cointreau or Grand Marnier - DO NOT use standard Triple Sec. The only thing that shit is good for is kamikazes and the only thing kamikazes are good for is getting shitfaced so you can wake up with ugly strangers.
  • 1 shot Rose's lime juice (you can also use regular lime juice to cut the sweetness)
  • Ice
So you take all the shit listed above, shake it with some ice and then pour it over ice in a glass (that can be salt rimmed) and garnish it with a wedge of lime.

That's it. And no substituting margarita mix. Margarita mix is disgusting.

* OK, for those of you unfamiliar with tequila, they are grouped into categories based on the aging process - Gold/Oro/Joven, Blanco/Silver, Reposado, Añejo, and Extra Añejo. The Gold is generally shit. This is rail tequila. This is what they usually make those shitty frozen margaritas out of. The best tequila is 100% blue agave - this is what makes tequila tequila. Gold tequilas add other shit making it that gold color (though sometimes blends of various aged 100% blue agave tequilas are also called "Gold" so read the label). 

Blanco or Silver tequila is 100% blue agave tequila that is not aged (or aged less than 2 months), so it's going to have a very strong flavor. Some peeps like this. Most peeps don't. Because it's un-aged, it is clear in color, hence the name. If you're scratching your head right now because you don't understand that last sentence, "blanco" means "white" in Spanish, you effing moron.

Reposado is aged for at least 2 months up to a year in oak barrels, so it'll start to take on a gold color. Don't confuse this with Gold tequila. 

Añejo is aged for over a year, up to 2. And Extra Añejo is aged for longer than that. The longer booze is aged the smoother it gets. If you know anything about booze, you should know this already. If you think tequila is really just for margaritas and shooting, you'd be wrong. A really good Añejo and even some Reposados are great sipping tequilas. If you hate tequila because of some horrible incident in college involving dry-heaves and waking up naked in the chem lab, that's a shame because you're really missing out on some pretty kick-ass booze. It's also possible that you hate tequila because you've never had a good one, so perhaps you should find a good Añejo and give it another go.