So I moved to Vegas with dreams of becoming the lead dancer in a show. However, my dreams were squashed quickly and I was forced to work as a stripper. One day this really rich dude came in with his girlfriend and I gave him an extremely hot lap dance. I think he said his name was Muad 'Dib and he had these really odd glowy blue eyes and kept on talking to me about "the spice" but I didn't know whether he was talking about Old Spice or what, which seemed odd to me because why would some rich dude be wearing Old Spice? That crap's for grandpas and people who marry their cousins....

OK so where was I? Oh yeah, so it turned out that this Maud'Dib guy owned a hotel or something and so I got a part in the show at his hotel. But the catch here is that his girlfriend (who seemed to be wayyyyy too into me if you know what I mean) turned out to be the lead dancer in the show. Well, she really wasn't all that, even though she thought she was and really it was high time someone knocked miss skankalicious off her high horse.... so as it turned out she accidentally fell down some stairs and so yayyyyyy ME! I got the lead....


But seriously, right after college I moved to Los Angeles for a few years. Then I moved back to Northern VA to be closer to family and have been here ever since (can't get away from this place, but my heart is in California, so eventually I'll move back to SoCal when I lose my conscience and tell my family that I don't love them as much as I love California which will probably be about the time California falls into the Pacific Ocean because Karma's a bitch).

I work for a small software consulting company and am a very very very important person there, so don't fuck with me because I know people who know people who know people.

Via a semi-recent divorce, I got stuck with an overpriced house that I can't get rid of, so it’s just me and my dog in this huge suburban house that could easily sleep an entire village from a third world country.

Suburbia kinda sorta sucks, but it has a nice yard for the pup and I guess it boils down to the fact that I do what I do for the dog.

In my free time, other than writing this bitchin blog full of fun and hi-larity (which is my own opinion of course, as many of you might find it half-assed, dull and tiresome), I generally sleep, eat and run, not necessarily at the same time.

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Editorial Note: I think writing about yourself in the third person is stupid, so just deal with it if my first person bio offends your sensibilities.